I always like to write a little new year post to reflect on the year I had, and think about what is to come in the next year. Then, at the end of every December, I always re-read my post from last year to see how much I have grown. After re-reading last year’s post, I can say with confidence that I honestly feel like a whole different person!
I’ve been blogging for 4 years. If you’re a life-long reader of Inspiration Indulgence, you may have noticed this year that I’ve been more private and quiet on the blog. This blog used to be a top priority of mine, but as I’ve grown and changed, it has become less and less. This year I focused on my family and my job as a school counselor, and less on my blog. I apologize if I haven’t been as transparent or present, but I believe this decision is best for myself and my family. This blog used to be a part-time gig but now, it is just a hobby, and I am finding that the ease of stress is better for my mental health. I hope you understand!
Although it is incredibly cliche, I love the anticipation of the new year. I believe it’s important to reflect on the past year, to make new intentions, and to look forward to new beginnings. So I’m laying it all out; here is what I’m hoping 2019 will bring, here are my intentions, my thoughts, my aspirations, and everything else in between. //
2018 was the year that my anxiety really kicked in. I found myself spiraling down a dark path and trying to find balance in the chaos of life. (Spoiler alert: There is no such “thing” as life balance!!) My anxiety turned into depression, and it started to affect my relationships and my overall happiness. So, a few months ago, I started to see a therapist, and it has made all the difference. In 2018, I finally decided to face my demons head on, instead of hiding from them or allowing myself to be numbed by them. I aspire to continue on my journey for greater self-awareness and self-love, and to nurture my precious mental health and overall well-being.
Although it was hard, I am thankful that 2018 shed some light on my distorted eating habits and beliefs. Along with seeing a counselor, I hired a nutrition coach, and changed some of my self-destructive habits (more of that in this post and THIS post.) I am happy to share that I am at a point in my life where I am much more kind to myself and forgiving. I found holistic wellness and challenged myself to be the healthiest version of myself, not necessarily the skinniest. Along with this shift in mental thinking, I also became physically healthier. I spent more time outdoors, ate more rich, nutritious-dense foods, and found my love of lifting weights again. I found a positive change in both my physical body composition and my mental wellbeing. I stopped being so dang hard on myself. I found healthier habits and focused on self-love and wellness, rather than losing weight or body fat.
A common theme that I struggled with this past year was always wanting more, and comparing the stage of life I am in to others. I dug deep and realized that a lot of my anxiety and unhappiness came from wishing I had the same things that my friends/ co-workers/ Facebook friends had. I was focused on materialistic objects and always wanted newer, better things. I was bitter when I didn’t get the things I wanted and I found myself feeling stubborn and always angry. This is when I started to realize that I needed a serious paradigm shift, otherwise I would live a long life of misery. I’m still a work in progress, but I found that practicing gratitude and journaling has really helped me appreciate what I do have over what I do not have. Some things that I am especially grateful for this year include my health, my family and friend support, my pup, and my fulfilling career.
I was on Instagram the other night and consciously counted how many negative thoughts I had about myself as I found myself scrolling. I was stunned and saddened by the thoughts that crept in my head. Although it’s hard for me to even write this, I have found this year that I haven’t exactly been loving myself, even though I thought I was. Lord knows I am painfully hard on myself; I am a perfectionist who tries to live up to all of these unrealistic standards, all of which are definitely not serving me.
Through therapy, reading, and journaling, I have found that a lot of my negative self-talk has stemmed mostly through my own false belief systems that I have to “live up to a certain standard,” as well as comparing myself to others. Although I don’t believe that I can ever “turn off” these comparison thoughts, I can lessen them. Thus, I am committed to truly cutting back on what is harmful for me, and working hard to be intentional with my self-love journey. I am committed to doing more things that feed my soul, such as going for walks outside, more time spent with my family, and more life chats with girlfriends, and indulging less in things that give me anxiety, such as going on social media, working long hours, and being a “yes-woman”.
My family is my top priority, and they will continue to be over work, friends, and everything else. I found that this value of mine could easily be compromised amidst the busy work schedules, friend outings, and social events going on. I aspire to hold this value close to my heart and be even more intentional with family time this year than last.
I always thought I had my shit semi-together, but 2018 showed me that girl, you don’t have it together at all…..but you’re getting there!! I was faking it and trying to ignore the root of what was really making me struggle. Again, I can’t stress enough how important therapy, reading, and focusing on holistic wellness was for me. Once I gave myself permission to not have my shit together, I felt more honest with myself, and willing to accept myself for where I am at. I am a work in progress, and that’s okay. I don’t have to have it all figured out right now, or know all of the answers. I can be content with where I am currently at.
There are a lot of little goals that I could also write out, such as the fact that I want to pay off my debt, reach a certain fitness goal, find life balance that does not exist, read more books, stay off social media, yada yada yada.….but honestly, why set such lofty goals and have such high expectations?
What if I just commit to continue to work through my own process, and to love myself through it all – no matter what I accomplish or do not accomplish?
What if I gave myself permission to love myself through the mess? Even if I don’t have it all figured out?
I encourage you to do the same. Less resolutions, more self-reflection and intention.
Focus more on the important things, and give less attention to the fluff.